


No angel

by castielslittlebee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Needs a Hug, Dean is a Sweetheart, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Guilty Dean, Human Castiel, Human Castiel in the Bunker, Implied Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Misunderstandings, No Gadreel (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, Sad Castiel, Sam Ships It, Sleeping Together, in the same bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-15
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2019-02-15 04:11:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13022976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielslittlebee/pseuds/castielslittlebee
Summary: “I’m going to say it for the last time. You are not going on the hunt with us!“ Dean was angry. He clenched his hands into fists and nearly vibrated with anger. But Cas was angry, too. He was restless, bored out of his mind. „Dean. I was a warrior before I fell and I’m still a warrior! I could help you!“ “Don’t you see it, Cas? This is the point! You are no longer an angel!“ Cas lowered his eyes defeated. “I... I understand.“ He turned around and without another glance at Dean he went to his room.





	No angel

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, lovely readers!   
> This the first work I post on this website and I'm excited!   
> I hope you enjoy reading this and please feel free to leave a comment if you like it!

Castiel was human for a few weeks now. Sam was getting better day by day. And Dean was Dean. All in all, it wasn’t bad. But Cas was so frustrated. They treated him like a child. “Baby in a trench coat “, Dean called him once. They were maybe right in the beginning as he didn’t know a lot about daily routines, how to brush his teeth or how to make food. But he learned a lot in those few weeks and he was capable of taking care of himself. Dean saw it differently, obviously. 

“I’m going to say it for the last time. You are not going on the hunt with us!“ Dean was angry. He clenched his hands into fists and nearly vibrated with anger. But Cas was angry, too. He was restless, bored out of his mind. „Dean. I was a warrior before I fell and I’m still a warrior! I could help you!“ “Don’t you see it, Cas? This is the point! You are no longer an angel!“ Cas lowered his eyes defeated. “I... I understand.“ He turned around and without another glance at Dean he went to his room. 

“Are you coming or what?“, yelled Sam, who appeared in the door. Dean sighed. “Yeah, let’s go.“ Sam looked at Dean sympathetic. “Cas didn’t take it well, did he?“ Dean rolled his eyes. “You think?“ Sam ignored his brother. “Are you sure, we should get on this hunt and leave him behind?“, he asked uncertain. “We could ask some other hunters to take the job.“ Dean had thought about this already. But he needed a hunt. He was unconcentrated and couldn’t sit still anymore. “We are the only hunters in the area. It’s just half an hour drive and we’ll be back by evening, probably.“ Sam still looked uncertain but he nodded. 

***

Cas hadn’t moved since he went to his room and laid in his bed. Dean left him behind because he wasn’t an angel anymore. He was no use for them. Cas closed his eyes to suppress the tears, which wanted to escape. He was human. And he felt emotions so much stronger than before. He felt so betrayed and lonely. For him the Winchesters were family, everything he got. But they didn’t need him anymore, didn’t want him anymore. Cas couldn’t stop the sob that escaped him, and for the first time since he had become human he understood the term heartbreak. It felt really like his heart was breaking in tiny pieces. He didn’t try to stop the tears anymore, he was alone anyway. 

Or so he thought. At least until there was a knock on his door and he could hear Dean’s voice. “Cas?“, he asked gingerly. “Are you awake?“ Cas held his breath. He thought he had a few more hours to calm himself. He couldn’t talk to Dean. Not right now. Not in the state he was in. The door opened a bit and Cas tried to look like he was actually asleep. Luckily his back was to the door. After a few seconds, he could hear Dean whisper a gentle “Goodnight, Cas“, before he closed the door again. As soon as the door was closed a sob worked its way out of the ex angles throat. He pulled a pillow to his chest and hugged it tight as he cried as silent as possible.

***

“Is he asleep?“, Sam asked when Dean came back to the kitchen. “I’m actually not sure, but if he’s awake he didn’t want to talk.“ Resigned Dean slumped down into the chair. The hunt was an easy one, just a simple salt and burn, but the fight with Cas was exhausting him. He didn’t know why, but Cas had looked so... broken, when Dean said that he was human now. 

“I’m going to bed“, Sam announced. “Yeah, alright. Night.“ Sam waved at his brother and went to his room. Dean sat in the kitchen for a while longer, but decided finally that he would go to sleep, too. Usually he talked a lot with Cas in the evenings, because he had problems with sleeping. They would sit in the kitchen for a while, drinking beer or in Castiel’s case hot chocolate and just talk. Dean would tell him a lot about the time before Cas raised him from hell, about hunts and their childhood and in return Cas would tell him about his long time as an angel. Dean sighed deep. He hated fighting with Cas. 

***

When Dean shuffled to his room, he hesitated in front of Cas‘ door. He was sure he had heard a noise. He waited a few moments for a confirmation, which he got. It sounded like muffled sobbing. Dean’s heart clenched painfully. He went back to the kitchen and made a cup of hot chocolate for Cas. It wasn’t the first time one of the brothers had found Cas crying. Since he became human he had difficulties to suppress his emotions. Dean had the bad feeling that this time it was his fault. He thought about how Cas avoided his eyes before he went to his room, how small he had looked in that moment. The microwave signalized that the hot chocolate was ready, so Dean went back to Cas‘ room, carrying the cup with one hand and knocking on the door with the other. Instantly every noise died down. Carefully Dean slipped in the room. Cas lay in the same position as before, with his back to the door. 

“Hey, Cas “, Dean said gentle. He got no reaction from the fallen angel. He switched the small light on, which stood on the night table, as he set down the cup. He sat next to Cas on the bed and laid a hand on his back. Cas flinched away, so Dean let his hand sink again. “Do you want to talk about it? “, he asked carefully. Cas took a deep breath to ground himself, before speaking. “You... You were right.“ His voice was rough from crying and not using for hours. This simple statement made Dean anxious. It was really his fault. For a moment Dean closed his eyes. He felt so much guilt, even though he was not sure what exactly he had done, that triggered Cas‘ breakdown. When it happened before, it was mostly because humanity had so many mannerisms that Cas couldn’t understand and left him frustrated with himself. It happened, because he thought it was his fault, that Metatron used him. But right now, it was Dean’s fault and he would try to fix it. 

“Cas? What do you mean? With what was I right?“ Dean got no answer, except a quiet snuffle. Sighting, Dean caressed Cas‘ hair. This time Cas didn’t flinch away. So, the hunter continued. When the Winchesters were still children he did it a lot for Sammy, when he had a nightmare or fought with their dad. It had calmed him down and Dean hoped it would calm Cas, too. 

After a while Dean thought Cas was asleep, but then he broke the silence. “I’m not an angel anymore“, he whispered. Dean felt so much pain for his best friend. “That is right. But you are still one of us, Cas.“ “Am I? “, clear disbelief sounded in Cas‘ voice. “Of course, you are! Why would you think otherwise?“ Dean was confused. Why would Cas think he didn’t belong in the bunker with Sam and Dean? Cas hugged the pillow tighter to his chest. “Y-You said it yourself. I can’t go on hunts… because I’m not an angel anymore…“ Cas voice broke in the end and it hurt Dean to see his friend like that. “Cas? Would you look at me, please?“ The fallen angel hid his face in the pillow. “No”, came the muffled answer. Dean sighed again. He did that a lot today. “Cas, please, don’t do that.“ 

Finally, Cas lowered the pillow and turned around to glare at Dean. “Go away”, Cas demanded. “Not going to happen. You and I, we are going to talk now.” More gingerly he added: “I made you hot chocolate.” That was the moment Cas snapped. “I don’t want hot chocolate! I don’t want you here! I-I don’t want to be a b-burden anymore…and I don’t want to be here if you don’t want me…” Dean had to listen closely to get the last part. The hunter was too stunned to answer right away. That was obviously confirmation enough for Cas, because his lips started to tremble and he made a move to turn away again. Before he could do it, Dean grasped his shoulder to stop Cas. “What… What are you talking about?”, he finally found his voice again. Cas avoided his eyes again, the same way he had done after their fight. 

“Cas, what’s wrong? Talk to me, please.” And for the first time this night Cas looked directly into Dean eyes. The pain and hurt the hunter saw, took his breath away. “Cas…”, he whispered. “Why would you think of yourself as a burden?” Cas took a deep breath. “I… You… I-I had to learn so much. And I still d-don’t know half of the things I s-should” “No one expected you to know everything. It’s okay, Cas. We want to teach you things, it doesn’t make you a burden.” Cas closed his eyes, as tears pricked in them. Dean realized, that the poor guy had absolutely no control over his emotions. ”Come here “, he murmured as he pulled Cas against his side. “Never believe you are a burden to us. You are family and we don’t leave family behind.”

Dean should have realized earlier how Cas felt, he had struggled so hard with humanity and Sam and Dean had made it even worse. “I’m so damn sorry, Cas.” Cas snuffled quietly as he calmed down a little bit. Gently Dean stroke Cas back. “I’m here, you are okay.” But there was something else that preyed on Dean’s mind. “I don’t want to be here if you don’t want me”, Cas had said. “Cas?”, the hunter asked cautiously. Cas’ big blue eyes, which seemed so sad right now, looked up to him. “Yes, Dean?” “Why… Why do you think we don’t want you here?” Cas looked down at his hands which played with a loose yawn string. Dean noticed before, that Cas did it a lot when he was nervous or scared. 

“I’m not an angel anymore”, Cas whispered again. “You said that alr-“, Dean began. But he stopped himself midsentence as he realized what it was that had triggered Cas’ breakdown. “Shit, Cas. No…I…I’m so sorry.” Desperately, Dean ran his fingers through his short hair. “Cas, I didn’t mean to… I-I fucked up.” Cas hold his breath. Dean cradled the fallen angel against his chest. “I’m so, so sorry, Cas. I don’t even know where to start. Of course, we want you here. Maybe you are not an angel anymore, but it doesn’t matter. You are the best friend we’ve ever had and I don’t care if you are angel or human!” “But you wouldn’t take me on the hunt, because I lost my powers”, came the muffled response. “No, you dumbass. I wanted to protect you.” Castiel looked up at Dean’s guilty face. “Protect me?” Cas wrinkled his nose. “From what?” Dean looked down at his confused and so very human friend. “From monsters, I guess.” “Dean”, Cas glared at him with a bitchface, that would have made Sam proud. “Maybe I’m not an angel, but I’m still a warrior. I fought the supernatural for a long time.” Dean nodded. He got that, he really did. “I know Cas, that is not the point. I know that you can still fight. The point is, that you can be hurt, that you can die and I won’t allow that to happen under my watch”

“So, you are worried?” Cas asked sheepishly. “Yeah, I’m worried” Dean rolled his eyes affectionately at Cas. The fallen angel tilted his head in thought. “Maybe you could train me. You and Sam.” Dean nodded his head in agreement. That was probably a good idea, he would talk to Sam about it in the morning. “Now it’s time for little angels to sleep”, Dean announced as Cas couldn’t stop a yawn from escaping. “I’m not an angel anymore”, Cas muttered. Dean tucked his friend under the blankets. “Yes, you are. Even though you don’t see it right now. For me you will always be an angel.” “Thank you, Dean.”, Cas answered sincerely. Dean stood up, to go to his own room, but he was stopped as Cas grabbed his hand. “Dean?” The hunter looked at Cas, who looked so young suddenly. “Would… would you stay with me?” A small smile appeared on the hunter’s lips. “Of course, Cas. Scoot over a bit.” Dean switched the light off and lay behind Cas. He pulled the fallen angel to his chest and kissed him gently on top of his head. “Night, Cas.” “Goodnight, Dean.” And with that he snuggled closer to Dean and closed his eyes.

When Sam woke up the next morning and couldn’t find Dean in his room or the kitchen, he decided to look into Cas’ room. Maybe they had made up last night. He opened the door and stared. He stared at his brother and friend snuggled up deeply asleep. “Finally”, he muttered, closing the door again.


End file.
